Reality

So, my goal was to publish a post about every month if not more often.

(Cough) I know. I am sooooo good at this.

Part of my problem is that I love writing. Let me say it again: I. Love. To. Write. But I'm a perfectionist (cue laughter from my husband) No, really! I like to be witty and eloquent and frankly, formulating my crazy scattered thoughts into comprehensible ones, let alone witty and eloquent ones, takes a LOT of time.

Y'all, I got diapers to change. I got dishes in the sink and an Everest of laundry that never seems to diminish no matter how many loads a day I do. More importantly than those I have three young children to nurture. Three precious children whose basic physical needs being met, (not to mention emotional, spiritual, and educational!) I am convinced, is as much work as like, twelve full time jobs. Ok, maybe not, but there are days...

Enter procrastination. Ah perfectionism and procrastination, they make quite a pair. At least I can say I'm good at something though, right? I mean, the fact that the THING I am good at is putting things off until until until forever is really beside the point. (See? I'm even a perfectionist when it comes to my procrastinating! You can't make this stuff up folks!)

Plus writing is this process that, for me, besides time also requires silence. Since silence around here means one of two things, A) it's after bed time (when I too am often pooped) or B) a Mess is brewing (believe me, I do let the kids free in the garden from time to time with a hose and some shovels just to get a few minutes to myself -it is soooo worth the bath time later and besides, muddy kids are cute.) Anyway, what was I saying?

Oh yes, the process of untangling my thoughts.

Ahem, so I've decided, based on all that stuff above (See, with the craziness??) that it would be more reasonable to just share with you here the real stuff. You know, the raw and the beautiful, the nitty-gritty and the great. You probably don't want some rose-colored version anyway. You, like me, probably appreciate it when people are... Real. So my resolution is to write down the real stuff, as it happens, and forget about trying to appear perfect.
Perfect Mom,
perfect writer,
or perfect Christian,
'cuz that's just not
real.

That being said, here are some of my real thoughts as we prepare to leave for Kosovo in one month:


"Oh my goodness, I am SO excited! Oh my goodness what are we thinking?? I am stinkin' terrified! Oh man, it's going to be so awesome! Oh man, we. are. crazy."

Yeah, that about sums it up.

It is such a jumble of emotions guys. I really am sooooo excited. I felt called by God at the age of twelve to work in missions and it is wonderful to look back and see the wondrous ways He has orchestrated His plan in my and my family's life. And not once have I doubted that it is His will that we return to Kosovo, in fact we have always known that serving the church there was our calling and we praise God for it! But people, I am also scared. It is a huge responsibility. Am I really grown-up enough for this? I mean really, come on God, are you sure you want me to go there? Don't you have anyone smarter/stronger/braver/better?
Plus we have three precious, precocious, sweet and wonderful little girls. What if it's not safe for them? What if the whole thing's a disaster and we ruin their lives?!

No. Don't worry, I don't really believe that crazy head-talk, but you have doubts, ya' know? And fears.

Lastly, though I love Kosovo and the people there so much, and am so ready and willing and happy to serve and minister to them, I am also going to miss this place so much. I grew up here and it will always be home. I will miss my family terribly. I will miss our friends terribly too.
I will miss the desert.
And the river.
And the parks, and my garden, and the neighborhoods I know so well, and, and, and...
But what was it Jesus said? "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." And later, " -but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God... No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." (from Luke 9:58-62)

I'm listening Lord. We have been so blessed here these past six years. I can't even put it into words. And I DO love this place.

But it is time to go.
When I trust in Him I have no need to look back, for He IS my supplication and I trust that He will take me to an even better place. Literally and spiritually.

So I take a deep breath and I pray. I keep my face turned towards God and the doubts and fears crumble away like an oatmeal cookie in the hands of my one year-old. And I look to His Word and He renews me daily.

-This is where I was going to put a verse, you know, a really good one. But the Bible is pretty much full of those so I thought of one... And then another, and another...Until pretty soon I was about to write: "[Insert whole of canonized Scripture here.]"-

But instead of doing that, I will leave you with this one and you can go read The Rest of The Bible later. It is a verse that we missionaries cling to and it comes from Jeremiah, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:11-13)

So... Let the adventure begin!!

The Nusja (Bride)

The young bride looks expectantly out the window; her cheeks are flush with anticipation, though this is hidden behind a mask of make-up and ornaments. Hairdressers and make-up artists have been painstakingly working over her for several hours. They are finished now and with her painted face crowning her flowing dress she looks like a China doll. Every hair in place, every feature accentuated in a picture-perfect manner. Soon the drums begin beating and tambourines chime. Singing is heard in the distance and draws closer every minute. They are coming for her. Cars blare their horns as they pass by the parade that waltzes down the street towards her house. Women from her future husband’s family soon surround her where she stands on her family’s porch, singing loudly the traditional marriage songs and beating on their tambourines. And then a car drives up through the cacophony and she is lead into it and carried away to the home where her groom awaits. There will be feasting and dancing for days as she is welcomed into his family and the new union is celebrated.

This is a picture of a traditional wedding in Kosovo. Summer is the season for weddings there and I can’t help but be reminded of the time when our Lord and Savior Christ will come back for His Church and establish His kingdom on Earth with His Bride by His side. Hasan and I were married in Kosovo and had a day similar to what I described above. I remember the joy in the air and how loud the music played. With that in mind imagine what feasting, what joy, what singing and dancing there will be on that day when Christ draws in His Bride and ushers in His kingdom! Revelation says “Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. And the angel said to me, ‘Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.’ And he said to me, ‘These are the true words of God.” (Rev. 19:7-9)
Wow, what an amazing picture that is! This is so exciting to me; it’s talking about us folks, you and I, His Church! What a reason to rejoice! Would that every friend, every family member, every neighbor and acquaintance, every person in the world could be there on that day, partaking in His joy and glory. This is what our heart is, to share this joy with the people of Kosovo, who have lived under the dark veil of Islam for so long. We want them to be a part of the glorious feast of the Lamb and his Bride as true believers in His name. Yet many have not heard. MANY have no saving knowledge of Christ and no hope in Him. We feel so deeply and passionately for those in Kosovo who are lost, our driving force to go to them are the tender words of our God, “go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matt. 28:19-20)
Will you continue to pray with us to this end? That God would open hearts in Kosovo to His Word? Would you pray for us as we prepare to leave and begin in ministry there? We have had a busy summer as we have been traveling around the state, speaking to Churches and groups about our call. Praise the Lord all of our talks went really well and we have had an overwhelmingly loving and exuberant response by everyone we have shared with. Thank you to everyone who have allowed us to speak and who have been involved in supporting us financially and through the power of prayer. A big praise for us is that we have been given the green light by Alongside to purchase our tickets and head out! How exciting! Before that happens however, our house must sell. This is one of our greatest current prayer needs. Once our house sells we will be able to leave and begin in ministry in Kosovo. We have confidence that the Lord will allow this to happen in His perfect timing.

Before I close this post I would like to share some other interesting facts about marriage in Kosovo. For instance, until recently almost all marriages were arranged. Sometimes a bride and groom did not even meet until the wedding day. This was true for Hasan’s own parents. Things are changing in Kosovo, but even today many marriages are still arranged. Depending on the nature of the engagement (weather arranged vs. not and if arranged weather the bride has given her consent or not) the bride may or may not be a willing and happy participant. It is often a sad day for her family as well as they are, in effect, losing a daughter. She will go to live in the home of her husband’s family and may not get to see her own family very often anymore. There are many tears from her family and waving handkerchiefs on the day she rides away in his car. This is quite a contrast to the joyful celebration she is greeted with in his home –they have gained a daughter.
One thing I always found funny at wedding celebrations in Kosovo was that ALL of the young women who have recently (anytime in the past few years) been brides themselves are to dress in wedding dresses too! What a contrast to our own American traditions where the bride is the only one who wears the dress and indeed the only one who even wears white!


I also just wanted to add that I think it is really cool that both we and the Harry family, (who are currently serving in Kosovo at the same church we are going to) wrote on the same subject this month! Now I call that a God-thing! Here is a link to their page if you are interested in reading more on the topic of the bride in Kosovo or about the Harry's ministry there. ministry.http://ordinaryharry.blogspot.com/2011/10/unhappy-bride.html?spref=fb

We want to thank you all again for the parts that you have played and are playing in sending us and keeping us as our prayer and support partners. We are excited to be heading off soon and cannot wait to see what God has in store and to share with you the wonderful goings on in Kosovo!
If you would like to friend us on FaceBook, we can be found under Hearts ForHim Kosovo. In this way you can receive updates more often about our daily joys and struggles, as well as have a deeper look at what is going on in our lives and with our ministry. Our e-mail address is bytyqifam@hotmail.com, let us know how we can be praying for you, we would love to hear from you!