Thankful

It has been a rough couple of months. Many wonderful things going on for sure; the young people graduating from the Discipleship program, a new Bible Study started in the village, the radio broadcast opportunity, Hasan's brothers all becoming very interested in Church and in the Gospel, and much more. Whew!

But it's also been tough. I joked with Hasan that it felt like we are being "baptized with fire." Randy's sudden passing was so unexpected and has left a big ol' hole in our hearts :( We've been sick almost constantly since we got here, with just one thing after another, plus our three year old recently started having daily sob fests about wanting to go home to America (and I admit I've felt like joining her -although our five year old has several times told me that she "loves our life here in Kosovo,") plus downsizing from a house with a yard to a small apartment has made the adjustment even more difficult on the little ones, (ok, and me too) everyone wearing on each other's nerves rather quickly.

Over all they've done pretty well though, and I am proud of them. It is often the little daily blessings that God brings that keep me smiling... And sane :) so here are some of the little things I am thankful for today.


I am thankful for the cottonwood tree outside my window
Reminding me of home
And thankful for the wind, rattling its leaves, making them sparkle.
I am thankful for sunshine and cool air.
I am thankful for the recent rains,
Filling the reservoirs so we can have water
-Almost all day!
I am thankful for white-washed walls and potted plants
That make the room so cheerful in the afternoon light.
I am thankful for tadpoles
To watch and catch and learn about.
I am thankful for friends.
I am thankful for sisters playing ponies
In the living room.
I am thankful for good fruit
And the times I get to see it.
I am thankful for the baby,
Snuggled sleeping on my chest.
I am thankful for His mercies,
New with each sunrise.
I am thankful for this life,
Thank you.

Update

I haven't posted in a while. Between head-colds and programs, seminars and summer weddings, time just keeps flying past me! Tonight I happened to have some alone time at home with our youngest daughter (age one and a half). At one point she walked over to me and asked for a piece of bread, then did a happy little dance when I gave her some. I immediately had one of those parenting moments of awe, where it's like, "Oh my gosh, I'm not just "at home with the baby," I'm at home with my little girl, she's growing up! Aahh!" Haha, yep, the time is speeding by!

Anyhow, here is a quick update on us and what is going on here in Kosovo!

1) Firstly, many of you know that about a month and a half ago our dear friend, fellow missionary, and pastor of the Church here in Malisheve went to be with the Lord suddenly and unexpectedly. I have tried more than once to write about this, but it's so hard. I have too many words and not enough words and it's just so confusing. Life here kept moving forward, slow and constant, but I kept wanting to go back to that moment, that phone call and have time stop there because it felt like I needed a few years just to wrap my brain around it all. I know that God did indeed bring us here for "a time such as this" and I am so glad that we were able to be here with the church when this happened. My heart aches for Randy's family, his wife and his children and grandchildren, all of whom I am blessed to have as friends. His daughter Rachael and son Calvin are also working here in Kosovo in ministry with their families and his daughter Chelsea along with her husband and daughter will be visiting this fall ( -they reside currently in CA, but have both also lived in and worked with the church in Kosovo.) Jeff Harry, Randy's son-in-law, will be taking over the responsibilities of lead pastor here in Malisheve.

We miss Randy so much, but we also know that he is in heaven with Christ now and have assurance that we will all be together again one day! Randy was taken to be buried in California and his wife, Lycia, will be returning to Kosovo in October. We miss her lots and are excited to have her back with us! The body of believers here are strong and faithful, if anything this has brought everyone closer and it is amazing to watch God working through all of this. Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." We have seen this displayed so clearly these last weeks and we praise him for it. God is good and he is true to His Word!

2) The discipleship program that was begun two weeks before Randy's passing was continued and brought to a close. All those who attended were able to finish and receive their certificates, praise the Lord! Hasan was blessed to teach one of the classes, The Attributes of God. About 12 young people attended this program which was held four days a week for four weeks and those who participated also received new Bibles at the completion of the course.

3) Only a few days ago we returned home after a week spent in Durres, Albania where Hasan participated in an inductive Bible Study seminar, taught by Jeff Harry. It was a great trip, despite me having a nasty head cold. Hasan learned a lot and we all got some much needed R&R and great family time during our down time there.

4) Just today we took our kids to a large park outside of the capitol city. While Hasan was helping one of our little ones in the bathroom a man approached me and began to ask questions about where I was from, why I would chose to live in Kosovo when I could be living in America, and so on and so forth. I shared the gospel with him very clearly and though he is a practicing Muslim, was very interested to talk with us (Hasan joined me after a bit) and then while I took the kids to play, he and Hasan had a great conversation. Please pray for this man, he could not accept that Jesus could be God, nor that God could have a son, but he was very open and interested in what we had to say and seeds were definitely planted. Pray that God will bring others into his life who will share the Truth with him, pray that God will water those seeds!

5) A few prayer requests~ Please pray for our health, I still haven't kicked this awful cold and the kids are feeling under the weather too now :( .
~Our days are busy with starting a new homeschool curriculum (Konos) and I would appreciate prayers for our schooling. The kids really like it so far and so do I. I love taking my children in my lap and teaching them, it is a wonderful feeling.
~Pray for Hasan, Urim, and Jeff, the leaders here in the church, as well as for all of the local believers as we continue through this transitional time.
~Lastly, I would like to share that an opportunity has opened up for Hasan to speak on the radio for 5 minutes each week on the Bible and Christianity. This is huge considering the large Muslim population here. The area that this will be broadcast to has around 54,000 people in it. Please pray for hearts to be touched!

Let us know how we can pray for YOU! We love you all! Your support and prayers bless and encourage us daily! We truly praise God for each and every one of you!

Love in Him,
The Bytyqi family

Here

The lights reflected from the street below swirl slowly across the ceiling like a great kaleidoscope.
Far away a dog barks and another answers it from almost directly under my window.
At three in the morning it is dark and relatively quiet, though the dogs who run wild in the streets can get loud and occasionally a car or truck rumbles past and I believe some of them lack mufflers.
The air is fresh each morning and smells somewhat exotic, like fields and trees that I do not know all the names of.




It is cool, but as the sun climbs the air becomes thick and warm. The scents of the country are quickly replaced with a heady mixture of smells that at times can be ignored and at times can overwhelm -eau de diesel fuel-garbage-cigarette smoke-frying meat-sewer water-dirty dog.




During the day things are lively on this busy corner of town. People shopping and walking, calling to each other, cars zooming by, kids laughing, horns honking, jackdaws chattering in the trees where they congregate in great flocks. And don't forget the roosters! There is a great deal of construction going on and there is the noise from that too and when the power is off there is the low grumble of generators behind every shop. At noon and five pm the call to prayer rings out from the mosque across the street, it's spire rising high above the trees and stony houses.





Despite all the recent growth and modern construction in the cities and despite the fact that trash often litters the streets and rivers, there is an ancient beauty about this place. The rocky walls and cobbled courtyards. The traditional garb of the older generations.




The jagged mountain peaks that tower in the hazy blue distance which make one feel that they just might be in Middle-earth and that possibly orcs really do exist.
These tall peaks border the country on all sides, like the rims of a great bowl, the inside of which contains rolling green hills, shrubby forests, and beautifully lush valleys. Red-roofed villages are tucked and folded into every nook and cranny, patch-work fields spread about each one. Red, yellow, white, purple, and blue wildflowers polka-dot the fields and brighten the roadside. Butterflies flutter and bees hum. Pigeons swoop over the town and ring-necked doves call from their perches on lamp-posts and balconies.



It has often seemed to me that Kosovo is a land of contrasts -perhaps all places are like that and I notice it more outside of my own culture? To me it seems Kosovo is quaint, yet bustling. Quiet, but loud. Dark, yet light. Harsh in ways, comforting in others. It is a land steeped in tradition, yet awash with the changes that westernization brings. A perfect example: You will see young boys herding their family's cattle in the hills, using sticks to prod them along and you will think, "This looks like a snapshot from a hundred years ago!" -Then one of the boys will pull out an iPod or a fancy cell phone and start clicking away on it.


(Goats stopping to drink from an ancient spring as they are herded back home for the day)


The people here are generous and hospitable nearly to a fault. The average Kosovar does not mince words though -they say what they mean and they mean what they say! Conversations to me often seem loud or boisterous, and if you did not know some of the language you might think that people here argue a lot. But this is just normal interaction and is (mostly) in good humor. They are a friendly people. Where else in the world would women that you just met (as happened to us this morning as we shopped for carpets) kiss your children and tell them how beautiful they are? Where else will near strangers usher you in and practically force feed you cookies and tea?


Aaaahhhh, munch munch, yep, it's good to be back in Kosovo!

Almost there....

Well, sort of.

We haven't actually left yet. But it's weird to think that in four days we will be in Kosovo. Totally surreal. And awesome!

Just thought I'd share a couple pictures of the girls I snapped as we finished up packing-






Playing pat-a-cake together in a "suitcase house." Hehe

Packing and Beauty out of Chaos

I am so over packing.
It is No. Fun.

Capitol NO.
Capitol FUN.

I suspect it's also really really good for me. (Sigh, isn't that always the way?)

I always joke that I am a minimalist trapped inside of a hoarder's body.
Well, guess what?
Packing your entire life into 8 suitcases really takes care of that problem.

I also suspect that packing, even for the most organized person and -this will blow you away- I am not the most organized person,

-I know. I was shocked too. We missed the prize on that one by juuuust a hair-

Anyhow, even for that person, that sad being (his life must be so dull. I pity him. Really.) it must still be somewhat chaotic.

Chaos, though, is one of those things that God really likes to USE. And man oh man does he do some cool stuff with it. Consider the account of creation found in Genesis one. The first verses say, "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning —the first day." (Genesis 1:1-5)
The story continues, but we'll pause here. Notice what God does? Out of formlessness (vs. 2, literally chaos, in the original language "to hu" and according to the Holman Bible Dictionary at studylight.org- "In Hebrew thought... the most prominent concept of "chaos" is that of the primeval disorder that preceded God's creative activity...God demonstrated His power in creation graphically in the crushing defeat of chaos." !!!) He creates. He makes beautiful. And He implements order. Beautiful, ordered creation out of empty, dark, chaos! And it. Is. Good.

Packing for me has surprisingly been far more emotionally chaotic than simply disorderly. I've actually buckled down and gotten quite a bit done and that is great.

But

it is still really hard and takes a real toll on my nerves. I have to close my eyes and breath quite often and just remind myself to (inhale) "Let stuff go... Let stuff go... We don't need 500 frilly dresses. Really. We don't need every knick-knack I've collected from countless yard sales since I was 8. It will be so nice to not have to worry about so much junk. " (exhale)

Even so, if I may be real here, what I really want to do is throw myself onto my bed and burst into tears. (Ok, you caught me, I actually already did that today. Twice.)

It's just all of the emotional stuff on top of all the action-taking that goes into getting prepared to leave. I hope that doesn't sound shallow, the part about dresses and knick-knacks was for a bit of humor (although true nonetheless...) It's about so so so much more than that, watching the life you've built for 6 years come down piece by piece, knowing you're going on to new things you will love -but that in doing so you are leaving behind much that is so dear.. I don't know, it's all just hard. Thank goodness God is in control and following Him is truly a joy, His blessings are astounding!

So now, I am going to try to do what I really need to do, (although passionate emotional outbursts are actually quite helpful) which is to surrender my chaoic, threatning-to-send-me-over-the-edge-with-the-sheer-emotional-and-physical-difficulty-of-it packing stress mess (that's my short name for it, it has quite a ring, right?) over to Him and I have full confidence and assurance that He is going to bring something SO beautiful out of it! Maybe a new work in my heart, maybe a new discipline of my mind, maybe the tiny miracle of just getting it all done, well and in time, tying up all the last loose ends before we head out to continue in the work He has for us. And whatever is brought out of this is going to be good. God is awesome like that.

We all have some chaos in our life. The question is, are we willing to let God take control and form it into something beautiful? Are we willing to hand over our sloppy formless lump of clay -whether that symbolizes our heart, our relationship with a loved one, or just our messy house- to the great Potter and let Him create something grand? I don't think He will disappoint!

Our Daily Bread

Silly me. For months and months I could think of nothing to write and now, in the most full and busy season of our life, my brain is overflowing with stuff I want to share with you. I suppose that's because so much is going on.

The topic today, though, is not about how

capitol "K"

Ka-razy

things are getting as we head into the Two Weeks Before We Leave time period. Instead it is about something new that God lead me to, and the immediate fruit I have seen by following His lead. It really seems like such a small thing.

But it's been really really huge.

You see, a few weeks ago I was teaching the girls the Lord's prayer and helping them to memorize it. While focusing on the line "give us this day our daily bread," it occurred to me that I have not been faithful in praying this, in a heartfelt manner, to God. Oh sure, I have my prayer times and Bible reading times each day, but something I seem to have been forgetting is simply asking -and thanking Him for- my daily bread.

It's not like things have been so bad. It's just that, well, I've been stressed. I've been snappy with the kids, easily tired, easily frustrated... The list goes on and you know how it is because you've been there too.

Plus lately with our departure coming up SO fast, there is this slight panic at the back of my throat, constantly threatning to leap out and gobble me up.

So. This revolutionary idea came to me. I decided that every morning I would kneel before God and ask for my daily portion -and thank Him for it before hand because I know that He is faithful. And you know what? It works! It really and truly works people! My goodness! I kneel there at the back slider, still in my PJs, yesterday's mascara smeared under my eye lids, the bright morning sun spilling over my face (and occasionally a one year-old using my lap as a trampoline or a three year old using my ear as what I can only assume she thinks is a megaphone) and I pray and God listens and He actually gives me my daily bread!

I'm not saying it's like some magic button you push at the arcade and bing bing bing! win a prize.
And I'm also not saying that I suddenly handle everything with perfection.
I am, however saying that when a heartfelt child comes before the Lord with a request, trusting in His Word, His Promises, His Power...

Listen. God is faithful, he is a loving Father who wants to give us good things. Who does give us good things.

And when we ask, He gives us more.

More of Himself, more compassion, more patience, more gentleness, more Love. He gives us the grace to handle the things that come our way. If we will only ask, only trust. "Ask and it shall be given to you." (Matthew 7:7)

Guys, he wants this for us. It brings Him glory. His power is displayed in our lives for others to see and it is "made perfect in our weakness."

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

It also goes back to that awesome verse in Jeremiah 29 that I was talking about in my last post: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

It's amazing the fruit I have seen from this seemingly small act. I suddenly have peace, the grace to go about the day, treating my family as I would want to be treated, taking care of what needs to be done, and this immediately deeper connection with my Creator as well.

And again, I'm not saying I magically have become Perfect At All Things.

There are still Moments.

But I feel the Lord's hand in my life throughout my day, equiping me more when I purposefully surrender to Him by asking HIM for my daily bread instead of trying to, well, bake it myself. -Something I think I'd been trying to do a lot lately. I'm so glad God is patient with me, that he gently guides me back to where I need to be -focused more and more on Him.

I encourage you to try this too, see what new fruits God will bring about in your life when you ask and trust Him for your daily portion. I'll vouch that it is so worth it!

Reality

So, my goal was to publish a post about every month if not more often.

(Cough) I know. I am sooooo good at this.

Part of my problem is that I love writing. Let me say it again: I. Love. To. Write. But I'm a perfectionist (cue laughter from my husband) No, really! I like to be witty and eloquent and frankly, formulating my crazy scattered thoughts into comprehensible ones, let alone witty and eloquent ones, takes a LOT of time.

Y'all, I got diapers to change. I got dishes in the sink and an Everest of laundry that never seems to diminish no matter how many loads a day I do. More importantly than those I have three young children to nurture. Three precious children whose basic physical needs being met, (not to mention emotional, spiritual, and educational!) I am convinced, is as much work as like, twelve full time jobs. Ok, maybe not, but there are days...

Enter procrastination. Ah perfectionism and procrastination, they make quite a pair. At least I can say I'm good at something though, right? I mean, the fact that the THING I am good at is putting things off until until until forever is really beside the point. (See? I'm even a perfectionist when it comes to my procrastinating! You can't make this stuff up folks!)

Plus writing is this process that, for me, besides time also requires silence. Since silence around here means one of two things, A) it's after bed time (when I too am often pooped) or B) a Mess is brewing (believe me, I do let the kids free in the garden from time to time with a hose and some shovels just to get a few minutes to myself -it is soooo worth the bath time later and besides, muddy kids are cute.) Anyway, what was I saying?

Oh yes, the process of untangling my thoughts.

Ahem, so I've decided, based on all that stuff above (See, with the craziness??) that it would be more reasonable to just share with you here the real stuff. You know, the raw and the beautiful, the nitty-gritty and the great. You probably don't want some rose-colored version anyway. You, like me, probably appreciate it when people are... Real. So my resolution is to write down the real stuff, as it happens, and forget about trying to appear perfect.
Perfect Mom,
perfect writer,
or perfect Christian,
'cuz that's just not
real.

That being said, here are some of my real thoughts as we prepare to leave for Kosovo in one month:


"Oh my goodness, I am SO excited! Oh my goodness what are we thinking?? I am stinkin' terrified! Oh man, it's going to be so awesome! Oh man, we. are. crazy."

Yeah, that about sums it up.

It is such a jumble of emotions guys. I really am sooooo excited. I felt called by God at the age of twelve to work in missions and it is wonderful to look back and see the wondrous ways He has orchestrated His plan in my and my family's life. And not once have I doubted that it is His will that we return to Kosovo, in fact we have always known that serving the church there was our calling and we praise God for it! But people, I am also scared. It is a huge responsibility. Am I really grown-up enough for this? I mean really, come on God, are you sure you want me to go there? Don't you have anyone smarter/stronger/braver/better?
Plus we have three precious, precocious, sweet and wonderful little girls. What if it's not safe for them? What if the whole thing's a disaster and we ruin their lives?!

No. Don't worry, I don't really believe that crazy head-talk, but you have doubts, ya' know? And fears.

Lastly, though I love Kosovo and the people there so much, and am so ready and willing and happy to serve and minister to them, I am also going to miss this place so much. I grew up here and it will always be home. I will miss my family terribly. I will miss our friends terribly too.
I will miss the desert.
And the river.
And the parks, and my garden, and the neighborhoods I know so well, and, and, and...
But what was it Jesus said? "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." And later, " -but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God... No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." (from Luke 9:58-62)

I'm listening Lord. We have been so blessed here these past six years. I can't even put it into words. And I DO love this place.

But it is time to go.
When I trust in Him I have no need to look back, for He IS my supplication and I trust that He will take me to an even better place. Literally and spiritually.

So I take a deep breath and I pray. I keep my face turned towards God and the doubts and fears crumble away like an oatmeal cookie in the hands of my one year-old. And I look to His Word and He renews me daily.

-This is where I was going to put a verse, you know, a really good one. But the Bible is pretty much full of those so I thought of one... And then another, and another...Until pretty soon I was about to write: "[Insert whole of canonized Scripture here.]"-

But instead of doing that, I will leave you with this one and you can go read The Rest of The Bible later. It is a verse that we missionaries cling to and it comes from Jeremiah, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:11-13)

So... Let the adventure begin!!