Psalm 112

1 Praise the Lord.
Blessed are those who fear the Lord,
who find great delight in his commands.
2 Their children will be mighty in the land;
the generation of the upright will be blessed.
3 Wealth and riches are in their houses,
and their righteousness endures forever.
4 Even in darkness light dawns for the upright,
for those who are gracious and compassionate and righteous.
5 Good will come to those who are generous and lend freely,
who conduct their affairs with justice.
6 Surely the righteous will never be shaken;
they will be remembered forever.
7 They will have no fear of bad news;
their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
8 Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear;
in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.
9 They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor,
their righteousness endures forever;
their horn will be lifted high in honor.
10 The wicked will see and be vexed,
they will gnash their teeth and waste away;
the longings of the wicked will come to nothing.

Cling to the cross

Falling in His Arms

Some days are soul-sucking days. Sometimes I feel so defeated, so deflated. Sometimes the drudgeries of daily life and the trials this nomadic, temporary, earthly life bring weigh me down so much.

Sometimes I feel like the Bearer of All Burdens.

Like that guy in the movie The Green Mile, who takes everyone's pain into himself. He heals them, but at a terrible cost to himself.

For me there are the kids, and the husband, and friends, and HEY, I've got problems too you know! I am the sounding wall, I am a comforter, supporter, boo-boo fixer, ouchie kisser, referee, listening ear...

The funny thing is though... It's not really my job to be the Bearer of All Burdens. Um, that's actually God's job.

1 Peter 5:7 tells us to "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

You'd think I'd be relieved, right, to pass all that onto Him, to cast my cares at his feet and melt into his glorious Rest? So why is it I sometimes find myself hoarding my problems and everyone else's like some greedy pack rat? To my own destruction, until it is all toppling over and crushing me underneath?


My two year old daughter is quite a character. I usually say I love the "terrific twos" because seriously it is one of my favorite ages. Two year olds are just so darn funny! And cute. And silly. But often... They're also really angsty. They get frustrated so easily. They want to do BIG things all by themselves and sometimes they just can't! They need help but they DON"T WANT IT! They have BIG feelings and huge thoughts but they can't seem to express them and this makes them sooooo MAD!!!

I'm always there for my baby/not-so-baby girl. But sometimes she just doesn't want my help. If it's something she really can't do or really can't express she might get upset. Really upset. And if she's been hurt in some way it's the same story.

"Come here, come let me hold you, come cry on my shoulder. Let me rock you, sing to you, snuggle you. Here I am."

Sometimes she doesn't want my comfort. She'll let me know in no uncertain terms.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Maybe she struggles, maybe she pushes me away, maybe she lays down on the floor and sobs.

I don't understand why. But I am here. My arms are ready and waiting. My voice is soft and it coaxes her.

Finally she will collapse on my lap, pressing her tear-stained face to my chest. Then we'll laugh because, Hey! She's wiping her tears all over me! She might dissolve into giggles then, or need more time to sit quietly hugging me until she feels better. She is so relieved, and it was so easy! So why did she not come to me earlier? I don't know.

Or maybe I do.

I think sometimes our burdens are a crown, a kind of idol that we have a hard time giving up, even though we are promised rest when we do. We are greedy, like Golem, desperately holding onto the things that would be our destruction.

"No, it's mine! All mine!... My Precious"

Instead we must give them up, free our hands to cling to the one who would wipe our tears away and envelope us into his loving rest. It's... It's a humbling thing. But like little toddlers we must fall into his embrace and let him handle all of our cares as he comforts us.

Will you join me today in casting your burdens on Him? In opening up your hands... And letting go?

Let us climb into our Abba's lap and enjoy Him this day.

Psalm 55:22 "Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken."

The Gentle Man

So careful.

So tender.

I have never seen a father like him.

I see him at the pool fairly often. He brings his children to play on hot days, as we do. Few homes here have the luxury of air conditioning and summer can be down right sweltering. The pool is a cheap and enjoyable respite. The man is getting on in years, with salt-and-pepper hair and a lean build, unusually tall for the Balkans. His face and hands are worn with time and care and plenty of hard work, I imagine. He has several kids with him, ranging in age I would guess from early teen to toddler.

How patient he is with them.

It is clear that he is deaf, he never says a word and communicates with his children using a rough sign language I imagine is all his own. They use it with him as well, simple gestures, mostly. I am fascinated by the way he interacts with them. He is so careful with each one, making sure each has everything he or she needs. He pats and hugs them often, something I see little of here, as physical affection is not so freely given. He checks in with them often, and always has his eyes on them. The way those eyes look at them, I can tell his children are his pride and joy. His love for them is radiant and makes my throat swell as I watch them.

One of the older girls teases her little brother, maybe age three, who cries. The father walks over, shaking his finger. The girl shrugs sheepishly and holds her fingers apart as if to say "It was only a little bit." After comforting the boy he takes his daughter's face in his hands... And pats it softly. He looks deep into her eyes, expression full of unspoken words. Words of love, encouragement, a gentle chide. "You can do better, I know you can, my dear one, please do not do that again." I am left with that impression as he pats their heads and they go back to laughing in the water.

I pondered this family and the quiet, gentle man who leads it as we bump home over dusty roads, children's Sunday school songs blaring.
Why is this man so different? I wondered. I thought about his disability. He is unable to hear. Unable to hear society scream about the "right way" to do things, perhaps he relies more on instinct. Possible too, I mused, that as a deaf child he would have been treated much gentler when he himself was young, It is a norm here to treat children with disabilities differently -with more understanding and gentleness. Perhaps he grew up with that kind of treatment and naturally it flows from him now, easier than having to train oneself to be compassionate and respectful when it was not the way you were treated. Maybe the fact that he cannot hear has left him with an enhanced appreciation for life and the joys in it and it is this which gives him pause to treat his children with such special care. Of course, this is mostly speculation on my part. But what I really wonder is if this man's "disability" isn't really one at all, if it isn't in fact quite the opposite, that something about it gives this father an upper hand -an upper hand in loving.

What I've come away with is a picture of God's fatherly love for us. The Bible says he is "slow to anger" and that true love -to be received and also demonstrated by us to everyone in our lives- is full of patience, gentleness, selflessness, kindness, sacrifice. (1 Corinthians 13)

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

And I think from now on whenever I think of God my Father, the image will flash into my mind of this tender father cradling his daughter's face in his hands.

Girl's Meeting

Over the past few months, each Saturday afternoon, some of the women in the Church have been meeting for a Bible Study. This has been a wonderful time and I always feel so refreshed after fellowship, prayer, and studying God's Word with my sisters in the Church. It has been a very sweet time.

Very recently we have decided to move the study to Friday afternoons, because it will mean that more of the girls will be able to come. Until now, most of the meetings have been attended by young women who identify as believers and regularly attend Sunday worship and other Church meetings here. However, this girl's study has taken on a new and exciting dynamic. One young girl, a local high school student who is connected with the Church here, has begun to bring her school friends to this Bible Study and all seem interested to learn more. These girls are not believers and have little to no knowledge of Christianity and the Gospel. It is VERY exciting that they have begun to come and to show an interest in what we are all about. We have just today begun to go through the gospel of Mark with them, carefully explaining the story as it unfolds and the saving message it holds. Over the next weeks and months we hope and pray that these young girls' hearts will be open to the message that we will continue to share with them. Please join us in prayer over these girls, that we can know how to minister to them, that they will continue to come. Most of all that God will be working in them, opening their hearts to His Word, pray that they will be sensitive to his call.

I believe that each one of these girls is very special to the Father and I believe that amazing things are going to happen with this ministry! Thank you for your prayers!
Blessings,
Jacquelyn

Things Missionaries Might Need or Want

I thought it might be a good idea to compile a list of things that missionaries need, want and miss that can be sent in care packages since this is a question I am frequently asked. It is soooo comforting to get a package in the mail filled with useful things and things that remind you of home and it is always encouraging to know that the folks back home have you in their thoughts and prayers. Of course for different families serving in different parts of the world, needs are going to differ a little. However, I hope this list serves as a springboard for ideas of what to send in care packages to missionaries that you may be wanting to bless in this way.

Prayer. Ok, prayer doesn't exactly come in a box, but a care package is a good reminder and encouragement as I said before, that there are people praying for and wanting to bless you. Bonus, prayer never gets lost in the mail!

Food items:

Reeses peanut butter cups. People, the Reeses situation over here is dire.

Spice mix packets. It is often difficult to find many spices -here, particularly Asian and Mexican food spices- and having those little spice packet mixes on hand is so, well, handy.

Sea salt and/or coarsely ground sea salt

Ranch dip mix packets and other dip mixes.

Hot chocolate/apple cider mixes

Instant oatmeal packets

Pop tarts

Fishy crackers, cheeze-its, party mix and the like. The kids miss those and there is nothing even close here(-in fact, I can't even get cheddar cheese here to try and make my own!)

Boxed macaroni and other boxed pasta/rice sides. We cook mostly from scratch and have been eating probably a lot healthier here, but sometimes ya just miss good ol' Kraft or Aunt Annie's Macaroni.

Cake mix, frosting, other cookie/brownie type mixes.

Chocolate chips for baking

Fruit snacks

Cream of wheat

Food coloring

Coconut oil

Garlic salt

Hot sauce (we don't particularly care for hot sauce, but you can't get it here, so find out if this is something your missionary friend wants!)

Candy canes, robin's eggs, candy corn, other seasonal candy at the appropriate times

Chai tea


Other:

Pictures of you, of your families. We miss your beautiful faces!

Notes letting us know what is going on in your lives and how we can pray for you.

Crayola crayons, colored pencils, chalk

Coloring books

Construction paper

Beads, stamps, other small craft/home-learning/Sunday school type supplies.

Children's books. Books quickly weigh a box down, but you can usually toss in a couple without it being too bad. We were only able to take a few of our beloved books with us and we miss reading in English! Little kid type books (think Perfect the Pig, A Birthday for Bear...) or chapter books to read to them (think Charlotte's Web, A Cricket in Times Square...)

Play-doh. We make our own sometimes, but miss the neon colors too :)

Empty spray bottles. You'd think you could find those here. Nope.

Duct/scotch/masking tape

Elmer's and tacky glue and glue sticks

Spray n'Wash, RLR or Sportsman's Wash for laundry

First aid type items, band-aids, medical tape, tiny scissors... Stuff like that

Prenatal vitamins (if your missionary is a pregnant or nursing mother)vitamin C, vitamin D3, probiotics, other supplements that your missionary can specify, if needed.

If your missionary has pets it might be nice to send them flea/tick treatments as those aren't available (here anyway) and little chew toys/bones, catnip, worming medication, even a collar...


These were the things I sat down and thought of today. Any friends are welcome to comment with other ideas!

Love

Happy New Years everyone! We hope that you are having a wonderful start to 2013 and that your Holiday season was very blessed.

I will admit that the start of the season saw me feeling rather discouraged. I was so very very homesick, struggling with jealousy of those who were "home" in the states and terribly missing my family and friends there. God is gracious and he cares. He held me and brought me through it and I am happy to say that we had a lovely Christmas here and we have so much to be thankful for with the start of this new year. I am grateful that his mercies are not new every year, but daily. Praise God!

But I'd like to talk about something else today.

You know, about a year ago, maybe a little more, I was reading through 1 Corinthians 13. I had begun reading it through every day, hoping that by doing so I would understand better how to incorporate the attributes found there into my own life. I had really been struggling. I was teaching my children love and gentleness, patience and kindness, but not following through myself. These were areas that I desperately needed to work on and I knew it. Our household verse was "Let your gentleness be evident to all" Yet I felt that my gentleness was evident to no one.
Around this time I read somewhere about a man who committed to reading through 1 Cor. 13 every day for a month and it "changed his life."
Perfect! I thought, a clear cut, easy recipe for how I can fix this in myself. And so I began.
But it seemed to me that the harder I tried to live with gentleness, patience and all that is wrapped up in that beautiful little word LOVE, the worse I became at it -the snappier, more irritable and impatient I grew. Oh I was so disheartened.

Life became busy with moving and all the big changes that came last summer, though always in the back of my mind I was giving a concerted -and often failing- effort to be more loving, more gentle.

Fast forward to a week or so ago at our newly begun women's Bible Study meeting. A small group of very special young women in our Church have committed to getting together once a week to study the Word together. It is a beautiful thing and has blessed and encouraged me in numerous ways already. On this day we were discussing the Love of God and taking about such verses as John 3:16. One girl read 1 Corinthians 13 out loud and another pointed out that this section was more about believers loving each other, not specifically about God's love.

Then it struck me.

"But-but it is about God's love!" I thought excitedly. It was like an epiphany. At that moment in my heart God re-taught me something that I had heard many times over the years about God's love lived out in us. For not only is living out our lives and loving others with the kind of love described in 1 Cor. 13 very difficult, it is, in fact, impossible. Utterly and completely impossible -apart from Christ. Only when we have God's love in our hearts -and are allowing Him to work, instead of trying to take care of things ourselves (something I DO need to re-learn just about daily)- only then can we love our families, or friends, our sisters and brothers in Christ, and anyone else we meet with the agape love described in Scripture.

I felt at that moment as though a weight had been lifted and a veil removed from my eyes -a veil I had likely put in place myself by trying to figure things out on my own, instead of relying solely on Him and being sensitive to His guidance. I feel a deep peace now, I remember that only through Him can I treat others with true grace and love.

There will still be -will always be- struggles, as long as I am in this world, but I know that I can persevere through Him. And that is the beautiful hope for all of us. A hope which has already been fulfilled in His eternal Love.

Thankful

It has been a rough couple of months. Many wonderful things going on for sure; the young people graduating from the Discipleship program, a new Bible Study started in the village, the radio broadcast opportunity, Hasan's brothers all becoming very interested in Church and in the Gospel, and much more. Whew!

But it's also been tough. I joked with Hasan that it felt like we are being "baptized with fire." Randy's sudden passing was so unexpected and has left a big ol' hole in our hearts :( We've been sick almost constantly since we got here, with just one thing after another, plus our three year old recently started having daily sob fests about wanting to go home to America (and I admit I've felt like joining her -although our five year old has several times told me that she "loves our life here in Kosovo,") plus downsizing from a house with a yard to a small apartment has made the adjustment even more difficult on the little ones, (ok, and me too) everyone wearing on each other's nerves rather quickly.

Over all they've done pretty well though, and I am proud of them. It is often the little daily blessings that God brings that keep me smiling... And sane :) so here are some of the little things I am thankful for today.


I am thankful for the cottonwood tree outside my window
Reminding me of home
And thankful for the wind, rattling its leaves, making them sparkle.
I am thankful for sunshine and cool air.
I am thankful for the recent rains,
Filling the reservoirs so we can have water
-Almost all day!
I am thankful for white-washed walls and potted plants
That make the room so cheerful in the afternoon light.
I am thankful for tadpoles
To watch and catch and learn about.
I am thankful for friends.
I am thankful for sisters playing ponies
In the living room.
I am thankful for good fruit
And the times I get to see it.
I am thankful for the baby,
Snuggled sleeping on my chest.
I am thankful for His mercies,
New with each sunrise.
I am thankful for this life,
Thank you.

Update

I haven't posted in a while. Between head-colds and programs, seminars and summer weddings, time just keeps flying past me! Tonight I happened to have some alone time at home with our youngest daughter (age one and a half). At one point she walked over to me and asked for a piece of bread, then did a happy little dance when I gave her some. I immediately had one of those parenting moments of awe, where it's like, "Oh my gosh, I'm not just "at home with the baby," I'm at home with my little girl, she's growing up! Aahh!" Haha, yep, the time is speeding by!

Anyhow, here is a quick update on us and what is going on here in Kosovo!

1) Firstly, many of you know that about a month and a half ago our dear friend, fellow missionary, and pastor of the Church here in Malisheve went to be with the Lord suddenly and unexpectedly. I have tried more than once to write about this, but it's so hard. I have too many words and not enough words and it's just so confusing. Life here kept moving forward, slow and constant, but I kept wanting to go back to that moment, that phone call and have time stop there because it felt like I needed a few years just to wrap my brain around it all. I know that God did indeed bring us here for "a time such as this" and I am so glad that we were able to be here with the church when this happened. My heart aches for Randy's family, his wife and his children and grandchildren, all of whom I am blessed to have as friends. His daughter Rachael and son Calvin are also working here in Kosovo in ministry with their families and his daughter Chelsea along with her husband and daughter will be visiting this fall ( -they reside currently in CA, but have both also lived in and worked with the church in Kosovo.) Jeff Harry, Randy's son-in-law, will be taking over the responsibilities of lead pastor here in Malisheve.

We miss Randy so much, but we also know that he is in heaven with Christ now and have assurance that we will all be together again one day! Randy was taken to be buried in California and his wife, Lycia, will be returning to Kosovo in October. We miss her lots and are excited to have her back with us! The body of believers here are strong and faithful, if anything this has brought everyone closer and it is amazing to watch God working through all of this. Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." We have seen this displayed so clearly these last weeks and we praise him for it. God is good and he is true to His Word!

2) The discipleship program that was begun two weeks before Randy's passing was continued and brought to a close. All those who attended were able to finish and receive their certificates, praise the Lord! Hasan was blessed to teach one of the classes, The Attributes of God. About 12 young people attended this program which was held four days a week for four weeks and those who participated also received new Bibles at the completion of the course.

3) Only a few days ago we returned home after a week spent in Durres, Albania where Hasan participated in an inductive Bible Study seminar, taught by Jeff Harry. It was a great trip, despite me having a nasty head cold. Hasan learned a lot and we all got some much needed R&R and great family time during our down time there.

4) Just today we took our kids to a large park outside of the capitol city. While Hasan was helping one of our little ones in the bathroom a man approached me and began to ask questions about where I was from, why I would chose to live in Kosovo when I could be living in America, and so on and so forth. I shared the gospel with him very clearly and though he is a practicing Muslim, was very interested to talk with us (Hasan joined me after a bit) and then while I took the kids to play, he and Hasan had a great conversation. Please pray for this man, he could not accept that Jesus could be God, nor that God could have a son, but he was very open and interested in what we had to say and seeds were definitely planted. Pray that God will bring others into his life who will share the Truth with him, pray that God will water those seeds!

5) A few prayer requests~ Please pray for our health, I still haven't kicked this awful cold and the kids are feeling under the weather too now :( .
~Our days are busy with starting a new homeschool curriculum (Konos) and I would appreciate prayers for our schooling. The kids really like it so far and so do I. I love taking my children in my lap and teaching them, it is a wonderful feeling.
~Pray for Hasan, Urim, and Jeff, the leaders here in the church, as well as for all of the local believers as we continue through this transitional time.
~Lastly, I would like to share that an opportunity has opened up for Hasan to speak on the radio for 5 minutes each week on the Bible and Christianity. This is huge considering the large Muslim population here. The area that this will be broadcast to has around 54,000 people in it. Please pray for hearts to be touched!

Let us know how we can pray for YOU! We love you all! Your support and prayers bless and encourage us daily! We truly praise God for each and every one of you!

Love in Him,
The Bytyqi family

Here

The lights reflected from the street below swirl slowly across the ceiling like a great kaleidoscope.
Far away a dog barks and another answers it from almost directly under my window.
At three in the morning it is dark and relatively quiet, though the dogs who run wild in the streets can get loud and occasionally a car or truck rumbles past and I believe some of them lack mufflers.
The air is fresh each morning and smells somewhat exotic, like fields and trees that I do not know all the names of.




It is cool, but as the sun climbs the air becomes thick and warm. The scents of the country are quickly replaced with a heady mixture of smells that at times can be ignored and at times can overwhelm -eau de diesel fuel-garbage-cigarette smoke-frying meat-sewer water-dirty dog.




During the day things are lively on this busy corner of town. People shopping and walking, calling to each other, cars zooming by, kids laughing, horns honking, jackdaws chattering in the trees where they congregate in great flocks. And don't forget the roosters! There is a great deal of construction going on and there is the noise from that too and when the power is off there is the low grumble of generators behind every shop. At noon and five pm the call to prayer rings out from the mosque across the street, it's spire rising high above the trees and stony houses.





Despite all the recent growth and modern construction in the cities and despite the fact that trash often litters the streets and rivers, there is an ancient beauty about this place. The rocky walls and cobbled courtyards. The traditional garb of the older generations.




The jagged mountain peaks that tower in the hazy blue distance which make one feel that they just might be in Middle-earth and that possibly orcs really do exist.
These tall peaks border the country on all sides, like the rims of a great bowl, the inside of which contains rolling green hills, shrubby forests, and beautifully lush valleys. Red-roofed villages are tucked and folded into every nook and cranny, patch-work fields spread about each one. Red, yellow, white, purple, and blue wildflowers polka-dot the fields and brighten the roadside. Butterflies flutter and bees hum. Pigeons swoop over the town and ring-necked doves call from their perches on lamp-posts and balconies.



It has often seemed to me that Kosovo is a land of contrasts -perhaps all places are like that and I notice it more outside of my own culture? To me it seems Kosovo is quaint, yet bustling. Quiet, but loud. Dark, yet light. Harsh in ways, comforting in others. It is a land steeped in tradition, yet awash with the changes that westernization brings. A perfect example: You will see young boys herding their family's cattle in the hills, using sticks to prod them along and you will think, "This looks like a snapshot from a hundred years ago!" -Then one of the boys will pull out an iPod or a fancy cell phone and start clicking away on it.


(Goats stopping to drink from an ancient spring as they are herded back home for the day)


The people here are generous and hospitable nearly to a fault. The average Kosovar does not mince words though -they say what they mean and they mean what they say! Conversations to me often seem loud or boisterous, and if you did not know some of the language you might think that people here argue a lot. But this is just normal interaction and is (mostly) in good humor. They are a friendly people. Where else in the world would women that you just met (as happened to us this morning as we shopped for carpets) kiss your children and tell them how beautiful they are? Where else will near strangers usher you in and practically force feed you cookies and tea?


Aaaahhhh, munch munch, yep, it's good to be back in Kosovo!

Almost there....

Well, sort of.

We haven't actually left yet. But it's weird to think that in four days we will be in Kosovo. Totally surreal. And awesome!

Just thought I'd share a couple pictures of the girls I snapped as we finished up packing-






Playing pat-a-cake together in a "suitcase house." Hehe

Packing and Beauty out of Chaos

I am so over packing.
It is No. Fun.

Capitol NO.
Capitol FUN.

I suspect it's also really really good for me. (Sigh, isn't that always the way?)

I always joke that I am a minimalist trapped inside of a hoarder's body.
Well, guess what?
Packing your entire life into 8 suitcases really takes care of that problem.

I also suspect that packing, even for the most organized person and -this will blow you away- I am not the most organized person,

-I know. I was shocked too. We missed the prize on that one by juuuust a hair-

Anyhow, even for that person, that sad being (his life must be so dull. I pity him. Really.) it must still be somewhat chaotic.

Chaos, though, is one of those things that God really likes to USE. And man oh man does he do some cool stuff with it. Consider the account of creation found in Genesis one. The first verses say, "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning —the first day." (Genesis 1:1-5)
The story continues, but we'll pause here. Notice what God does? Out of formlessness (vs. 2, literally chaos, in the original language "to hu" and according to the Holman Bible Dictionary at studylight.org- "In Hebrew thought... the most prominent concept of "chaos" is that of the primeval disorder that preceded God's creative activity...God demonstrated His power in creation graphically in the crushing defeat of chaos." !!!) He creates. He makes beautiful. And He implements order. Beautiful, ordered creation out of empty, dark, chaos! And it. Is. Good.

Packing for me has surprisingly been far more emotionally chaotic than simply disorderly. I've actually buckled down and gotten quite a bit done and that is great.

But

it is still really hard and takes a real toll on my nerves. I have to close my eyes and breath quite often and just remind myself to (inhale) "Let stuff go... Let stuff go... We don't need 500 frilly dresses. Really. We don't need every knick-knack I've collected from countless yard sales since I was 8. It will be so nice to not have to worry about so much junk. " (exhale)

Even so, if I may be real here, what I really want to do is throw myself onto my bed and burst into tears. (Ok, you caught me, I actually already did that today. Twice.)

It's just all of the emotional stuff on top of all the action-taking that goes into getting prepared to leave. I hope that doesn't sound shallow, the part about dresses and knick-knacks was for a bit of humor (although true nonetheless...) It's about so so so much more than that, watching the life you've built for 6 years come down piece by piece, knowing you're going on to new things you will love -but that in doing so you are leaving behind much that is so dear.. I don't know, it's all just hard. Thank goodness God is in control and following Him is truly a joy, His blessings are astounding!

So now, I am going to try to do what I really need to do, (although passionate emotional outbursts are actually quite helpful) which is to surrender my chaoic, threatning-to-send-me-over-the-edge-with-the-sheer-emotional-and-physical-difficulty-of-it packing stress mess (that's my short name for it, it has quite a ring, right?) over to Him and I have full confidence and assurance that He is going to bring something SO beautiful out of it! Maybe a new work in my heart, maybe a new discipline of my mind, maybe the tiny miracle of just getting it all done, well and in time, tying up all the last loose ends before we head out to continue in the work He has for us. And whatever is brought out of this is going to be good. God is awesome like that.

We all have some chaos in our life. The question is, are we willing to let God take control and form it into something beautiful? Are we willing to hand over our sloppy formless lump of clay -whether that symbolizes our heart, our relationship with a loved one, or just our messy house- to the great Potter and let Him create something grand? I don't think He will disappoint!

Our Daily Bread

Silly me. For months and months I could think of nothing to write and now, in the most full and busy season of our life, my brain is overflowing with stuff I want to share with you. I suppose that's because so much is going on.

The topic today, though, is not about how

capitol "K"

Ka-razy

things are getting as we head into the Two Weeks Before We Leave time period. Instead it is about something new that God lead me to, and the immediate fruit I have seen by following His lead. It really seems like such a small thing.

But it's been really really huge.

You see, a few weeks ago I was teaching the girls the Lord's prayer and helping them to memorize it. While focusing on the line "give us this day our daily bread," it occurred to me that I have not been faithful in praying this, in a heartfelt manner, to God. Oh sure, I have my prayer times and Bible reading times each day, but something I seem to have been forgetting is simply asking -and thanking Him for- my daily bread.

It's not like things have been so bad. It's just that, well, I've been stressed. I've been snappy with the kids, easily tired, easily frustrated... The list goes on and you know how it is because you've been there too.

Plus lately with our departure coming up SO fast, there is this slight panic at the back of my throat, constantly threatning to leap out and gobble me up.

So. This revolutionary idea came to me. I decided that every morning I would kneel before God and ask for my daily portion -and thank Him for it before hand because I know that He is faithful. And you know what? It works! It really and truly works people! My goodness! I kneel there at the back slider, still in my PJs, yesterday's mascara smeared under my eye lids, the bright morning sun spilling over my face (and occasionally a one year-old using my lap as a trampoline or a three year old using my ear as what I can only assume she thinks is a megaphone) and I pray and God listens and He actually gives me my daily bread!

I'm not saying it's like some magic button you push at the arcade and bing bing bing! win a prize.
And I'm also not saying that I suddenly handle everything with perfection.
I am, however saying that when a heartfelt child comes before the Lord with a request, trusting in His Word, His Promises, His Power...

Listen. God is faithful, he is a loving Father who wants to give us good things. Who does give us good things.

And when we ask, He gives us more.

More of Himself, more compassion, more patience, more gentleness, more Love. He gives us the grace to handle the things that come our way. If we will only ask, only trust. "Ask and it shall be given to you." (Matthew 7:7)

Guys, he wants this for us. It brings Him glory. His power is displayed in our lives for others to see and it is "made perfect in our weakness."

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

It also goes back to that awesome verse in Jeremiah 29 that I was talking about in my last post: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

It's amazing the fruit I have seen from this seemingly small act. I suddenly have peace, the grace to go about the day, treating my family as I would want to be treated, taking care of what needs to be done, and this immediately deeper connection with my Creator as well.

And again, I'm not saying I magically have become Perfect At All Things.

There are still Moments.

But I feel the Lord's hand in my life throughout my day, equiping me more when I purposefully surrender to Him by asking HIM for my daily bread instead of trying to, well, bake it myself. -Something I think I'd been trying to do a lot lately. I'm so glad God is patient with me, that he gently guides me back to where I need to be -focused more and more on Him.

I encourage you to try this too, see what new fruits God will bring about in your life when you ask and trust Him for your daily portion. I'll vouch that it is so worth it!

Reality

So, my goal was to publish a post about every month if not more often.

(Cough) I know. I am sooooo good at this.

Part of my problem is that I love writing. Let me say it again: I. Love. To. Write. But I'm a perfectionist (cue laughter from my husband) No, really! I like to be witty and eloquent and frankly, formulating my crazy scattered thoughts into comprehensible ones, let alone witty and eloquent ones, takes a LOT of time.

Y'all, I got diapers to change. I got dishes in the sink and an Everest of laundry that never seems to diminish no matter how many loads a day I do. More importantly than those I have three young children to nurture. Three precious children whose basic physical needs being met, (not to mention emotional, spiritual, and educational!) I am convinced, is as much work as like, twelve full time jobs. Ok, maybe not, but there are days...

Enter procrastination. Ah perfectionism and procrastination, they make quite a pair. At least I can say I'm good at something though, right? I mean, the fact that the THING I am good at is putting things off until until until forever is really beside the point. (See? I'm even a perfectionist when it comes to my procrastinating! You can't make this stuff up folks!)

Plus writing is this process that, for me, besides time also requires silence. Since silence around here means one of two things, A) it's after bed time (when I too am often pooped) or B) a Mess is brewing (believe me, I do let the kids free in the garden from time to time with a hose and some shovels just to get a few minutes to myself -it is soooo worth the bath time later and besides, muddy kids are cute.) Anyway, what was I saying?

Oh yes, the process of untangling my thoughts.

Ahem, so I've decided, based on all that stuff above (See, with the craziness??) that it would be more reasonable to just share with you here the real stuff. You know, the raw and the beautiful, the nitty-gritty and the great. You probably don't want some rose-colored version anyway. You, like me, probably appreciate it when people are... Real. So my resolution is to write down the real stuff, as it happens, and forget about trying to appear perfect.
Perfect Mom,
perfect writer,
or perfect Christian,
'cuz that's just not
real.

That being said, here are some of my real thoughts as we prepare to leave for Kosovo in one month:


"Oh my goodness, I am SO excited! Oh my goodness what are we thinking?? I am stinkin' terrified! Oh man, it's going to be so awesome! Oh man, we. are. crazy."

Yeah, that about sums it up.

It is such a jumble of emotions guys. I really am sooooo excited. I felt called by God at the age of twelve to work in missions and it is wonderful to look back and see the wondrous ways He has orchestrated His plan in my and my family's life. And not once have I doubted that it is His will that we return to Kosovo, in fact we have always known that serving the church there was our calling and we praise God for it! But people, I am also scared. It is a huge responsibility. Am I really grown-up enough for this? I mean really, come on God, are you sure you want me to go there? Don't you have anyone smarter/stronger/braver/better?
Plus we have three precious, precocious, sweet and wonderful little girls. What if it's not safe for them? What if the whole thing's a disaster and we ruin their lives?!

No. Don't worry, I don't really believe that crazy head-talk, but you have doubts, ya' know? And fears.

Lastly, though I love Kosovo and the people there so much, and am so ready and willing and happy to serve and minister to them, I am also going to miss this place so much. I grew up here and it will always be home. I will miss my family terribly. I will miss our friends terribly too.
I will miss the desert.
And the river.
And the parks, and my garden, and the neighborhoods I know so well, and, and, and...
But what was it Jesus said? "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." And later, " -but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God... No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." (from Luke 9:58-62)

I'm listening Lord. We have been so blessed here these past six years. I can't even put it into words. And I DO love this place.

But it is time to go.
When I trust in Him I have no need to look back, for He IS my supplication and I trust that He will take me to an even better place. Literally and spiritually.

So I take a deep breath and I pray. I keep my face turned towards God and the doubts and fears crumble away like an oatmeal cookie in the hands of my one year-old. And I look to His Word and He renews me daily.

-This is where I was going to put a verse, you know, a really good one. But the Bible is pretty much full of those so I thought of one... And then another, and another...Until pretty soon I was about to write: "[Insert whole of canonized Scripture here.]"-

But instead of doing that, I will leave you with this one and you can go read The Rest of The Bible later. It is a verse that we missionaries cling to and it comes from Jeremiah, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:11-13)

So... Let the adventure begin!!

The Nusja (Bride)

The young bride looks expectantly out the window; her cheeks are flush with anticipation, though this is hidden behind a mask of make-up and ornaments. Hairdressers and make-up artists have been painstakingly working over her for several hours. They are finished now and with her painted face crowning her flowing dress she looks like a China doll. Every hair in place, every feature accentuated in a picture-perfect manner. Soon the drums begin beating and tambourines chime. Singing is heard in the distance and draws closer every minute. They are coming for her. Cars blare their horns as they pass by the parade that waltzes down the street towards her house. Women from her future husband’s family soon surround her where she stands on her family’s porch, singing loudly the traditional marriage songs and beating on their tambourines. And then a car drives up through the cacophony and she is lead into it and carried away to the home where her groom awaits. There will be feasting and dancing for days as she is welcomed into his family and the new union is celebrated.

This is a picture of a traditional wedding in Kosovo. Summer is the season for weddings there and I can’t help but be reminded of the time when our Lord and Savior Christ will come back for His Church and establish His kingdom on Earth with His Bride by His side. Hasan and I were married in Kosovo and had a day similar to what I described above. I remember the joy in the air and how loud the music played. With that in mind imagine what feasting, what joy, what singing and dancing there will be on that day when Christ draws in His Bride and ushers in His kingdom! Revelation says “Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. And the angel said to me, ‘Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.’ And he said to me, ‘These are the true words of God.” (Rev. 19:7-9)
Wow, what an amazing picture that is! This is so exciting to me; it’s talking about us folks, you and I, His Church! What a reason to rejoice! Would that every friend, every family member, every neighbor and acquaintance, every person in the world could be there on that day, partaking in His joy and glory. This is what our heart is, to share this joy with the people of Kosovo, who have lived under the dark veil of Islam for so long. We want them to be a part of the glorious feast of the Lamb and his Bride as true believers in His name. Yet many have not heard. MANY have no saving knowledge of Christ and no hope in Him. We feel so deeply and passionately for those in Kosovo who are lost, our driving force to go to them are the tender words of our God, “go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matt. 28:19-20)
Will you continue to pray with us to this end? That God would open hearts in Kosovo to His Word? Would you pray for us as we prepare to leave and begin in ministry there? We have had a busy summer as we have been traveling around the state, speaking to Churches and groups about our call. Praise the Lord all of our talks went really well and we have had an overwhelmingly loving and exuberant response by everyone we have shared with. Thank you to everyone who have allowed us to speak and who have been involved in supporting us financially and through the power of prayer. A big praise for us is that we have been given the green light by Alongside to purchase our tickets and head out! How exciting! Before that happens however, our house must sell. This is one of our greatest current prayer needs. Once our house sells we will be able to leave and begin in ministry in Kosovo. We have confidence that the Lord will allow this to happen in His perfect timing.

Before I close this post I would like to share some other interesting facts about marriage in Kosovo. For instance, until recently almost all marriages were arranged. Sometimes a bride and groom did not even meet until the wedding day. This was true for Hasan’s own parents. Things are changing in Kosovo, but even today many marriages are still arranged. Depending on the nature of the engagement (weather arranged vs. not and if arranged weather the bride has given her consent or not) the bride may or may not be a willing and happy participant. It is often a sad day for her family as well as they are, in effect, losing a daughter. She will go to live in the home of her husband’s family and may not get to see her own family very often anymore. There are many tears from her family and waving handkerchiefs on the day she rides away in his car. This is quite a contrast to the joyful celebration she is greeted with in his home –they have gained a daughter.
One thing I always found funny at wedding celebrations in Kosovo was that ALL of the young women who have recently (anytime in the past few years) been brides themselves are to dress in wedding dresses too! What a contrast to our own American traditions where the bride is the only one who wears the dress and indeed the only one who even wears white!


I also just wanted to add that I think it is really cool that both we and the Harry family, (who are currently serving in Kosovo at the same church we are going to) wrote on the same subject this month! Now I call that a God-thing! Here is a link to their page if you are interested in reading more on the topic of the bride in Kosovo or about the Harry's ministry there. ministry.http://ordinaryharry.blogspot.com/2011/10/unhappy-bride.html?spref=fb

We want to thank you all again for the parts that you have played and are playing in sending us and keeping us as our prayer and support partners. We are excited to be heading off soon and cannot wait to see what God has in store and to share with you the wonderful goings on in Kosovo!
If you would like to friend us on FaceBook, we can be found under Hearts ForHim Kosovo. In this way you can receive updates more often about our daily joys and struggles, as well as have a deeper look at what is going on in our lives and with our ministry. Our e-mail address is bytyqifam@hotmail.com, let us know how we can be praying for you, we would love to hear from you!